My birthday Wish

My birthday has just passed and happy to say, my wish was granted thou simple but nevertheless its was blissful.

We celebrated it in a most simple but unique way and that was to take a dinner at Thai Express and take a scroll at the nearby shopping center ( hmmmm if u consider a double floor building to be one). We bought some very nice chocolates which both of us indulged ourselves in.

After that, we went for our third movie since i knew her. Let me try and recall them all now
1 Hitch : 9 March 2005 (Accompanying me as a friend)
2 Son of the Mask : 24 March 2005 (Official first movie date)
3 Miss Congeniality 2 : 29 March 2005

After the show, i would send her home and then head back to my own home. On my way back, she called to accompany me on my drive back home. It was also her lovely voice that kept me wide awake on my trip home.

Time drew near to midnight, she wanted to be the last one to wish me happy birthday and for all that, i felt that my birthday celebration was one of the most complete and unique one i had since my existence on earth.

Elicia, my beloved girlfriend. I want to tell you that i am really happy since the first moment till now. I want to say "I Love You".

The Poem of turning point

its ok if you are not at your desk
Just felt like typing some stuffs
I felt a bit lost out of a sudden
did not know why either
tears seems to roll down as i experience some form of pain
i felt linked to you now
and somehow i felt the feelings that u are going thru now
i only know that i felt like crying
not tat i know the exact reason
but the cry seems neccessary
It felt like searching for something
but that was not found
almost close to mourning the death of an object
that seems pretty alive
Tears is all i have to give and all i had
in prepare for it there
time goes on
life goes on
somehow or not
i did not
i left something there
which i want to find
till it then
i am lost
A beam of light
was so strong
but it shone ahead
not my back
could not help me find it back
now i am thinking
wats so wrong
tears still fall
heart still fond
slowly i hope to find upon
my true sight
by my side
is not far
and beyond.

Personal Reflections on Pressure

Pressure was defined in scientific meaning as force per unit area. Somehow, this pressure seems rather relevent to personal pressure. The more we force someone with little area to breathe, the more pressure the person will feel.

Sometimes. it seems only a line difference in giving pressure and showing concern. Whether it will be which side of the line really depends on the receiving end's interpretation of our intentions.

Life seems like driving a car at times. You can choose not to drive a car for a very long time and soon you might even grow to fear of driving although you know that you should be able to drive it through. So if thats the case, how does one tries to overcome such fears. My personal views would be to go and drive in a place where there is a large amount of space. This huge amount of freedom gives you the confident to adapt to the car's motions and pace and eventually overcome it and become acustomed to it.

Hence to a relationship context point of view, my best guess would be to maintain a normal simple relationship without asking for further commitments till both are ready to take it up. This sounds so much easier than done. But nevertheless, i going to try this approach. I cannot force her considering that she has pretty much very little space so my only choice seems to be trying to expand her space area.

She said that "the more i give, the more she feel pressurised". This seems to be a very important signal of distress and a sign of her lack of confidence to accept my concerns. I remembered that you asked me on what i wanted for my birthday. Well in most selfishness way of replying, i only want your whole heart. I already have a part of it and i am waiting for the remaining parts.

I do not wish to force you and all my concerns for you are just out of my self-giving love for you. I do not expect you to return the same amount of passion and concern. I am still waiting for those special wordings and truly hope that they will come to me.

Forgetfulness???

It has been almost a week since i am with her. I had many great time with her but nevertheless, i can still sense that our relationship has yet stablise. Today, as i spoke to her, i gentlely brought up the topic to find out more.

She expressed her thoughts to me stating that she has yet to be able to love me whole heartly and that she felt being unfair to me. I paused for a while before replying her these words.
"Love was never fair. Its about self giving and not expecting anything in return". I told her that i knew that she was not ready yet considering that she has yet to tell me the special words.

The most important answer then came to me. "Thanks for being so understanding and i just want to tell you all these. I am willing to give our relationship a chance". These words were enough for me to love her whole heartedly.

It seems that life is really painful if one does not learn how to forget. I could not forget my old love too. But it was her understanding that gave me the chance to forget it and embrace my heart to her. Now its my turn to be understanding and help her "forget" the old wounds.

A very important question floated onto my mind.
How do i help her forget?
Many answers flashed across my mind.....

My New life has started

On 14 March 23:55, i made a new turn in my life. A turn that will drive me up from my lowest peak at that point of time. I choose to express my love to her, Elicia. On my mind, i was thinking how should i confront and express my sincere feelings to her knowing that she was hurt by relationships twice and was still healing her wounds from past experiences.

Hence i sat down and calmly asked myself these questions.
Do i know what i am going to do?
Will i be the one that can heal her wounds?
Am i doing this in a moment of rush?
The answers to these questions told me what i was going to do. That was to use my whole sincere heart to express my sincere love for her. I was astounded.

Everything seems so smooth. She was online on msn. I msn her to start a topic. Slowly from there, i followed my heart and asked her questions. The answers she gave me guided me to her. Finally i managed to convince her to place her trust on me. We made our vows of trust from there. My life turned in an instance. It changed from a low peak to an ever rising summit.

I want to write down these feelings that i had so that in years to come, i could salvor these moments with her. It was heavenly.